We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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