So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
