Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
