He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
