Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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