Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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