I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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