I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
