I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
