Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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