She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
