Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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