Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
