You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
