I'm gonna have a badass scar
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
