I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
