I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
