Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
