No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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