I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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