I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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