why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
