Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
