I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
