my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
