Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
