we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
