Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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