You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
