He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
