tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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