they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
