It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
