You're my little dorito
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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