You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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