i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
