Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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