Got a toothbrush?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
