I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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