the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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