***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
