U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
