i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
