Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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