My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
