as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he laminated a picture of his dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
