Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
