Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
