I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
