Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You pole danced in your parka.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
