She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I cannot find my penis.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize