Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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