I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize