we made out on top of his cat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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