we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize