Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
