You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
