Apparently you make a good broom.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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