I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
