I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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