You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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