Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize