I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
