Only a mothe r could love this liver
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize