i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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