laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
