I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
