I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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