Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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