I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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