I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
