Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
