also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
