made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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