Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
