This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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