I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
