How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize