I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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