this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You left your phone here
Wait...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
