Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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