I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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