i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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