This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
