Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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