like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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