you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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