is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
