During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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