there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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