On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
