You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
