I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
