oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i need some magic done to my vagina
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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