i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The air was thick with penises
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
