can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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