We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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