Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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