This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
