Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
