...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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