question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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